


Who's Your Girl Friday

by Spoon888



Series: Twitter Warm Up Prompt Fills [1]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Dysfunctional Relationships, Humor, M/M, Referenced Bad Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23862130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoon888/pseuds/Spoon888
Summary: "Autobots: do not need to know of Megatron's performance issues, Starscream."
Relationships: Megatron/Starscream (Transformers)
Series: Twitter Warm Up Prompt Fills [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1719604
Comments: 37
Kudos: 273





	Who's Your Girl Friday

**Author's Note:**

> For @mostlyflogged on Twitter

Optimus Prime decked Megatron across the face and sent him crashing into the ground with force enough to crack the earth beneath his back. A stifled groan rose from his battered frame as he lay there, optics spinning in his head. 

"Get up, Megatron," Optimus demanded, fists raised, ready to deal him another concussion-inducing blow. 

"He can't ' _get up'!"_ Starscream's shrill voice called from the metaphorical peanut gallery. "Believe me, I've tried." 

Soundwave, just in the process of thinking about rescuing his leader from another humiliating defeat at the hands of Prime, snapped his helm in Starscream's direction. The seeker was perched on a nearby rock, watching the fight like this was still Cybertron, and Megatron was a nameless ex-miner brawling with seasoned gladiators to entertain the masses. 

Megatron rolled into his front, spat energon and a vile curse at the ground, and began to push himself up. Nobler than most, Optimus was waiting for him to get back in his pedes. Unlike _some_ mecha, who rather enjoyed kicking someone when they were down. 

Megatron straightened and flew at Prime with a roar. They grappled. Optimus hooked a pede around Megatron's ankle and they crashed to the ground again, Megatron pinned under Optimus. Prime pressed his forearm down on Megatron's throat cabling. Megatron thrashed, colour fading from his faceplates as his processor was deprived of fuel, before managing to bring his knee up and kick Optimus off. 

Splayed on his back, he gasped for breath, struggling to find the energy to rise. 

"Fantastic stamina, as always, Megatron," Starscream yelled, slow-clapping the poor half-asphyxiated mech sarcastically. "I see you can't last any longer against Prime than you can between my-"

"Desist!" Soundwave blurted before he could finish. 

Deciding Megatron's tattered dignity was in far more need of a rescue from Starscream than his physical form was from Prime, Soundwave changed direction and marched with purpose towards to the mouthy seeker. 

"Starscream's conduct; unacceptable." 

Starscream optics were bright with surprise - but not at Soundwave's sudden judgmental appearance. 

"Oh _my_ conduct is unacceptable?" He placed a hand to his chest in mock horror. "When our elated leader is flopping around in the dirt over there like an incontinent fish?!" 

There was a clang and shout as Prime knocked Megatron down again. Soundwave didn't care to look. 

"Personal issues have no place in the field of battle," he lectured sternly. 

"How do you know this field of battle wasn't the one to get in the way of _my_ personal issues!" Starscream yelled, standing up. He leaned around Soundwave to bellow in the direction of the two fighting mechs. "Punch him in the head as much as you like, Prime!" He jeered, "It's the _only_ thing that's hard about him-!"

Soundwave seized Starscream by a turbine and roughy yanked him to his front, shocking Starscream into rare silence when their chests clanged together. Starscream stared at him with wide fearful optics. He swallowed audibly. 

Soundwave said nothing further. He didn't need to. 

Starscream began to shuffle awkwardly in his grasp, his optics darting around to avoid his gaze. With a pout that wouldn't have looked out of place on the mouth of an nap-deprived infant, Starscream conceded with an indignant huff. "...Fine." 

"You will be silent." 

" _ **Fine**_." 

"You will be respectful." 

Starscream's bad attitude reared it's ugly head in a flash. "Now _that's_ going too far!" 

Soundwave decided it would be best to quit while he was ahead. He released Starscream and gestured for him to follow as they made their way down from the rocks to Megatron's fallen frame; face down in the dirt where Prime had left him. 

"I should have stayed at the science academy, enamoured myself with some boring old coot of a professor with tenure," Starscream muttered as they each took a heavy, limp arm and laid them across their shoulders, rising with Megatron hanging unconscious between them. "The sex wouldn't be any better but at the very least I would have been a kept mech." 

"Starscream," Soundwave warned. 

"I would have been _showered_ in gifts, Soundwave," Starscream continued, casting a hateful glance at Megatron. "The only thing _he's_ ever given me is an infection." 

Soundwave exhaled heavily through his vents. It was going to be a very long walk back to the rendezvous point. 


End file.
